Do you want what you have?

Without this acknowledgment you’re discounting what you already have — and, perhaps, disrespecting the energy and resources it took to get you where you are. You could also be unintentionally setting up a mindset of lack.

Striving or Arriving?

While it’s healthy to set goals and to work to achieve them, this can get out of hand — and the focus can become totally on the future. My mentor and cable television pioneer Bill Turner always guarded against this possibility by cautioning those around him to “stop striving and start arriving.”

I fall somewhere in the middle along this continuum. While I think it’s important to accomplish goals and to learn and grow, I also know the value of living in the present — and not depending on some future event for my happiness.

Someday Isle

How much time and energy do you spend wishing things were different? Most of us spend a lot of time thinking things will be better when … we lose weight, make more money, get out of debt, have more free time, get married, get divorced or recover from an injury, for example.

I’m reminded of a story about a travel poster, picturing an idyllic location, with the title of “Someday Isle.” It’s a tongue-in-cheek illustration of all the times we say, “Someday I’ll be happy when (fill in the blank).”

An Inside Job

Mike Robbins, author of “Bring Your Whole Self to Work,” points out that, while the circumstances of your life — both positive and negative — do have an impact, you always have a choice in how you relate to your circumstances — and to yourself. A big house, a great job, lots of money, a fit body, an incredible relationship — or anything else you say you want — can’t and won’t make you happy in the long term.

That’s because these are primarily external circumstances, and happiness is an inside job. In other words, to create authentic fulfillment in your life, you need to look within for your strength.

This doesn’t mean everything is perfect — which is almost never the case. Or that you can’t desire for things to evolve in a way you deem positive. It simply means you choose to accept — and respect — what you have in your life right now, with a sense of gratitude and surrender.

Learn to make peace with life as it is. The passion, joy and fulfillment you experience doesn’t come from life itself. It comes from within you — and your ability to accept, appreciate and celebrate what you already have.

Asking the Questions

Here are some helpful questions, compiled by Robbins, to ask yourself when dealing with some of your most difficult aspects — the stuff you say you don’t want:

• What good is here that I’m currently not seeing?

• What is this situation teaching me?

• What would it look like if I let this go instead of fighting against it?

• Why is this happening for (not to) me?

By answering these questions, you can look more deeply at the challenges in your life and realize some things happen to propel your growth and expansion. By putting more attention on wanting what you already have, you can create a deep sense of peace and joy in your life — which is what most of us truly want anyway.

In his book, “How to Want What You Have,” psychologist Tim Miller has come up with three principles to help break the habit of wanting more — compassion, attention and gratitude.

I found expansions of these principles on the website thebridgemaker.com Living with compassion allows us to open up our hearts — gaining the clarity to see what we have right before us.

Attention is a state of mindfulness that helps us soak in what’s happening right now. There’s no question there are many distractions vying for our attention. We can become lost in checking e-mail, watching television or decompressing from a stressful day.

Disconnected From Ourselves

Over time you can find yourself disconnected from what, and who, is most important to you. This can result in becoming a human doing and away from a human being.

You can take steps to reverse this tide, however. Pay closer attention to what’s going on around you. Appreciate a hug, take in the wonder of nature or make direct eye contact with those in conversations with you.

Gratitude isn’t just a kind gesture. It’s a state of mind and a way of life.

“Simply having a bunch of things is not the key to happiness,” says psychologist Jeff Larsen, citing his research study in Psychological Science. “Our data shows you also need to appreciate those things you already have,” Larsen says.

Miller reminds us in his book that if you want to want what you have, you’ve got to work hard at it by developing new habits.

Just think about the return on that investment, though!